i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
