i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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