I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
