Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
