So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize