I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
