When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
