Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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