If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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