I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
