I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
