i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
