I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize