No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
