I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
