I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so let's talk penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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