My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
