my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
