Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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