Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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