just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
