Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
