my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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