I think I died a long time ago.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize