he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
