I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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