I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
