Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
