We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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