i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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