Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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