i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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