Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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