First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
