wat bout pragnant strippers??
my vag is so smooth its legendary
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
