why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
