Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
