I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
