In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
