the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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