"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
