I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
