My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
try to milk me bitch
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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