How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
