My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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