She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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