Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just pee around me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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