There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
