I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
