I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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