Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
