She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
