Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize