i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
