The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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