I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
