did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
