Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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