we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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