I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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