atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my liver is dry heaving
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
