Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
