Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
