It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
