i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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