i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
