He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
