he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
