Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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