so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
