he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
