I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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