i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
high people should be assigned attendants
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
