I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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