Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
