Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
