I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
