two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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