she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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