oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dicks are not precious.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
