I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
