Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
