you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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