My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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