hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
